An Inclusive Litany

3/23/92

In a Newcastle-upon-Tyne crown court, Mr. Alan Cooper was accused of "outraging public decency." As the Times of London reported it, the prosecution accused Mr. Cooper of "committing a lewd, obscene, and disgusting act on the 12-foot dolphin called Freddie as they frolicked for 20 minutes off the harbor mouth at Amble, Northumberland." Freddie has become somewhat of a tourist attraction and according to the prosecution, "a boatload of onlookers watched 'disgusted' as Mr. Cooper, wearing a blue and yellow wet suit, masturbated the half-ton mammal as it floated on its back." Mr. Cooper, the Times helpfully adds, is unmarried.