Washington Post columnist Judy Mann reviews Marion Winik's book,
First Comes Love:
Marion Winik, a commentator with National Public Radio, was 24 years
old, an inspiring poet living in New York, when she met Mario Anthony
Heubach, an openly gay ice skater. She found his "combination of James
Dean cool and genuine niceness ... wildly attractive." ... Marion was
sitting in his lap within an hour of their first meeting.
She was a heavy heroin user, and he used just about everything but, an
omission she quickly repaired. In a revealing note about her heroin
use, she writes, "The minute someone said I shouldn't do something or
I couldn't have something, this is not allowed, don't go in here, stay
away, every cell in my body rushed toward it, every synapse in my
brain started firing. I had to turn that no into a yes or die trying."
She used the same approach toward Tony, who was not much interested in
having sex with her. She, on the other hand, was obsessed. Once she
caught him French-kissing an old boyfriend, and she flew into a
furniture-destroying rage...
They ended up settling in Austin and were married in March 1986. He
took her name, discarding that of his father, whom he hated... Beauty,
she writes, "had so much to do with it. I loved being with Tony
because he was so beautiful." Sometimes he comes across as spoiled and
self-centered, but then so does she. It is a testament to just how
powerfully women are conditioned that she was determined to complete
herself by having a family....
Tony tested positive for the virus that causes AIDS in 1985. At the
time he figured he had been infected for three years. Remarkably,
Marion, who had been sharing needles with him as well as occasional
unsafe sex, was not infected. Her sister's heroin-using husband was
also infected, although the sister was not, which got Marion to
thinking the sisters had some kind of immunity....
The couple tried to minimize the risk of unprotected sex by limiting
it to Marion's ovulation cycle. At the dawn of Ovulation Day, as she
put it, she gave up all substances that were ever suspected of having
harmful effects on fetuses.
The first baby, a boy, died in utero, days before he was to be born.
The loss sent Tony back to drugs. He hit Marion, the first of many
such incidents as he spiraled into despair. By the time their two
other young sons were born, Tony was back to using cocaine and
heroin.... By 1994 Marion realized that for her sake and her
children's, she had to get Tony out of her house. She filed for
divorce, severing the last tie that bound him to the living.
How could she? you might ask. She did what women too often fail to do:
stop caring for abusive husbands and start caring for themselves and
their children. At the end, however, she showed extraordinary courage
and love for Tony by helping him die with a lethal overdose of
Numbutal before he entered the final, humiliating stages of AIDS.
First Comes Love is a surprisingly intense and intimate book
that leaves you wondering about the lengths to which people will go in
defying norms.
[Ed.: The book jacket endorsements also include numerous praises
for Ms. Winik's "courage."]
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