An Inclusive Litany

4/1/96

In the wake of the outbreak of "mad cow disease," the British government contemplated the destruction of potentially infected cattle, but not before several useful alternatives were suggested. Believing cows to be sacred, the World Hindu Council offered to build a shelter for "the cows that have gone mad and ... homeless cows." The Cambodia Daily had a similar proposal, though not with the cow's interests at heart: "The English have 11 million mad cows, and Cambodia has roughly the same number of equally mad land mines. Surely the solution to Cambodia's mine problem is here before our very eyes." The plan was to ship the cows to Cambodia and let them wander around vigorously (due to their madness) and detonate the many unexploded mines left over from years of fighting. According to the editorial, "The plan is simple, practical, and will make mincemeat of the problem overnight." But Dr. Elliot Katz, president of the animal-rights group In Defense of Animals, suggested that the cows should be given away to people as pets. "The best of all possible worlds," Katz said, "would be to, say, let them become companion animals. People have horses and they don't eat them, and they enjoy pasture, they enjoy their lives."

Meanwhile, two British sculptors tried to cope with the impending cow shortage by offering their artistic services. "We're worried that it's going to leave the countryside looking desolate," said Chris Gilmore. He and partner Paul Meedham planned to provide farmers with life-sized cardboard cows to set in their fields "to fill the gaps." The cardboard cows are blank so that the artists can "paint on demand" to mimic any breed. Gilmore's prototype went on sale for £250.