The Food and Drug Administration's Board of Tea Experts ... yet again has managed to sniff at its critics politely, pour itself another cup of oolong and beat Washington budget-cutters.
Taxpayers will likely pick up about 60 percent of the board's $200,000 tab in the next spending year so they can be guaranteed that imported tea is up to certain standards of "purity and wholesomeness."
Joseph P. Simrany, president of the Tea Association of the U.S.A. [said,] "It's the first line of defense relative to keeping bad tea out of the country."
An Inclusive Litany
- Donald Edward Beaty v. Bury:
A death-row inmate sues corrections officials for taking away his
Gameboy electronic game.
- Inmate, calling himself a sports fanatic, complains that, as a
result of cruel and unusual punishment, he was forced to miss the NFL
playoffs, especially between Miami and San Diego, San Diego and
Pittsburgh, and Dallas and San Francisco.
- Brittaker v. Rowland: Inmate says his meal was in poor condition. He claims his sandwich was soggy and his cookie was broken. (California)
- Jackson v. Barton:
Prisoner who killed five people sues after lightning knocks out the
prison's TV satellite dish and he must watch network programs, which
he says contain violence, profanity and other objectionable material.
- Spradley v. Rathman:
Prisoner sues to be served fruit juice at meals and three pancakes
instead of two.
- Brown v. Singletary:
Prisoner sues to be given Reeboks, Adidas, Pony or Avia high-tops
rather than inferior brand sneakers issued by prison.
- Beverly v. Groose:
Suit says inmates working in prison law library should be paid same
rate as attorneys.
- Young v. Murphy:
Prisoner sues for not receiving scheduled parole hearing, though he
was out on escape when the hearing was to be held.
- Murderer sues for $25,000, claiming a "defective" haircut resulted
in lost sleep, headaches and chest pains.
- Trice v. Reynolds, et al: Ex-chef sues because the food was bad, yet he wanted bigger portions. (Oklahoma)
The building frustration over this impasse for feminists has been evidenced lately in the promotion of Lorena Bobbitt to near demigod(dess) status. The rabid celebration of Bobbitt for having had the ovum(?) to bobbit(t)-off with a kitchen knife is symptomatic of an epidemic of feminist ressentiment that's as infectious as the flu. But it seems to me that what's worthy of celebration in the Bobbitt bobbing has nothing to do with the rape or the mutilation, with the repayment of a violation with a violation. What's worth celebrating here has nothing to do with revenge. The following is a slow-moed creative re/viewing of Lorena's story that lets the spotlight fall precisely on what our logocentric perceptions have no capacity to recognize. Recognition, in this instance, calls for the engagement of an/Other sensibility entirely. Lorena, this essay suggests, should indeed be celebrated—not because she cuts it off, not because she keeps it—but because she pitches it. And in pitching it, she dis/covers a way out of the binary system all together, and so a way out of phallocentrism. Let's zoom in on her dilemma.[Ed.: Not only did Ms. Bobbitt cut off her husband's penis, she threw it out of a car window just past a "No Littering" sign.]
In criticizing the political views of Patrick Buchanan, Mr. Bennett said, "It's a real us-and-them kind of thing," not, as we reported, "It's a real S&M kind of thing."
Mr. Simpson, apparently with less ambitious plans, issued the statement: "When things have settled a bit, I will pursue as my primary goal in life the killer or killers who slaughtered Nicole and Mr. Goldman."
So now we have the politically incorrect World Series. The series should be about long-suffering Cleveland or long-suffering Atlanta finally winning another World Series.
Instead, this so-called World Series—another outdated concept—is going to offend millions of Americans whose roots go back before the Mayflower and all the other ships.
The only way newcomers tend to notice American Indians is from the growth of casinos on tribal lands. I don't list gambling among the top thousand admirable human activities, but I won't demand that American Indians stop running gambling joints until Trump and Bally and municipalities do.
My real question is, what do we do about these demeaning nicknames for the next week or ten days? I cannot twist my sentences enough to refer to "the team from Cleveland" and "the team from Atlanta" but I respect the writers and even entire newspapers that will perform that enlightened act of contortion.
The Chumash Indians of southern California are demanding that the town of Malibu require that oceanfront building sites get an inspection for Indian burial grounds, which can be carried out only by a certified Indian at rates up to $46,000.
In Bailey, Colorado, two local whites, one of whom claims a Chaddo Indian grandmother, are suing in U.S. district court after neighbors in the residential area objected to the pair's starting raging fires in the yard of their home in enactment of a "Lakota sweat lodge rite."
The Department of Education ruled after a year-long investigation that Chief Illiniwek can remain the University of Illinois's Native American mascot. A group called Native American Students, Staff and Faculty for Progress had filed a lawsuit alleging that the chief and the name of the university's athletic teams, the fighting Illini, caused them to suffer verbal harassment at sporting events and created a "racially hostile environment." If the Education Department had concurred, the university would have been at risk of losing federal aid.
A typical school year features the following celebrations: National Coming-Out Week, Women's Pride Week, Students of Mixed Heritage Week, Queer Pride Week, Bisexual Visibility Week and Eating Disorders Awareness Week.
[Ed.: Some female students complain that they are compelled to use unisex toilets and showers in order to make them feel "less self-conscious about their bodies."]